Being nerdy in the modern dating world can sometimes be as difficult as managing to find a decent Adam Sandler film. As a fangirl, you feel things deeper than anyone else and, a times, feel as though you may just be in an entirely different universe.
If you’re lucky enough to date a fangirl, there are few things you need to know. We may be a bit of a difficult breed, but we are well worth it:
1. Deaths of fictional characters are PAINFUL. You spend countless hours submerged in the lives of these characters, and become emotionally invested in their well-being and in what happens to them. Then, in one fell swoop, they are ripped from your life forever. This is what a fangirl deals with regularly, and the pain is as real (or at least very close to real) as losing someone in real life. I, for one, am STILL not over Wash’s death. That was a low blow, Joss.
So, what do you do? You comfort her, and hold her while she rants and cries about the death of her beloved character. Bring her comfort foods – chocolate doesn’t hurt – and sit by her as she mourns that character’s death. Do not mock her pain, and do not laugh. We know these are fictional characters, but they are real to us. Just be there for her.
2. That actor may be hot, but you’re always better. That actor may hold your girl’s fangirl heart, but her true love and devotion will always belong to you. Try to not be overly sensitive. . .well, unless she starts to negatively compare you. That wouldn’t be cool at all. So, unless it’s an actual issue and tearing apart your relationship, just try to handle as she fawns over those characters and actors. Joke around with her about it, and surprise her with related gifts.
My husband, for example, understands my deep and unwavering fangirl love for Nathan Fillion. He is not moved by it, and not insecure when I fangirl. He also jokes with me about it, claiming that (should I ever meet Nathan Fillion) he would run for the hills the moment he found out how big of a fan I am. He wouldn’t date a fan.
These are celebrities, or even just fictional characters entirely. Just because she thinks they are hot, does not mean you are any less attractive. It does not mean that she prefers them to you. It doesn’t mean anything, other than you are dating a fangirl.
3. When that new game comes out, don’t be surprised if she goes MIA for a bit. It doesn’t matter if she is salivating over E3 2015 news of the newest releases or, if table-top is more her style, when that new game comes out…she will be holed up and gaming as often as possible.
Keep her well-stocked with snacks and her favorite beverages. Watch her play, or ask (be careful!) if you could have a go. If it’s a co-op, or a table-top game, use this newest release as a way to spend some quality time together. If you are unfamiliar with the gaming platform, take this chance to learn and let her teach you. It will be great to be able to eventually game together!
4. Understand her need to watch the movies that accompany the comics. As a fangirl, your girlfriend may have a definite need to keep up with the cinematic universes of her favorite comic franchise. I, for one, have always been a Marvel fangirl. I greatly prefer the comic book universes and storylines, but I cannot resist seeing the latest Marvel movies. DC, too, for that matter.
Take some time to learn the basics of the storylines, if you are not already familiar or a fan. if a character dies, take this chance to hold your girlfriend close. As previously mentioned, her grief is real, and you should not laugh at her for it. Let her go on and on about the movie after it’s over, too. Have a friendly debate over what you disagree about, but understand that bashing any OTP of hers is not the smartest idea.
5. Know who and what her favorites are! This helps for conversation, date ideas, surprises, and presents. DC may be huge, for example, but there’s a chance she’s more of an Image Comics fan. Does she like Doctor Who? If so, know her favorite – and first, if different – Doctor is. Oh, and it’s best to avoid getting her angel statues.
6. Naming pets after fictional characters WILL happen. It doesn’t adversely affect you, so it’s not really a big deal, right? Let her have her fun. This is especially true if you happen to be a fellow nerd or have fandoms of your own!
I’ve been naming pets after fictional characters since I was a young child. I even had a fish named Hamish, after a Terry Pratchett character. One of my friends has a cat named Loki. The fandom pet names are all just part of dating a fangirl. Just go with it.
7. If she keeps her figurines in their boxes, do NOT take them out. You may think you are being sweet and helpful by setting them up on shelves, but mint-in-box figures STAY mint-in-box. If you want to help her to better display her figurines, get her a second set of them. That way, she has one to display out of the box and one to keep intact and MIB.
8. Actor relationships, character relationships, friendships ending, deaths. . .all are rant-worthy. Yes, we are aware that these are fictional characters. Yes, we know we do not actually know any of these actors or people in real life. Yes, we understand that none of these relationships have any bearing whatsoever on our lives. It doesn’t matter…Larry is such an ass, and never should have done that to Piper. And what has been going on with HER lately?!
9. Men’s clothing is more comfortable – and cheaper. Obviously, I do not speak for ALL fangirls about any of this, and I do not dictate their clothing choices. However, I can say that a large amount of my t-shirts are from the men’s sections of stores. Their clothes fit better, have better fabric, are not pink and glittery for no reason (I have passed up Spider-Man and Batman shirts for this), and actually have FUNCTIONAL pockets. If you are a fellow nerd, do not be surprised if she borrows from your side of the closet.
10. The book was better. No, no. There is no argument. The book is ALWAYS better.